50 Years in Polygamy: Big Secrets and Little White Lies Read online

  Fifty Years in Polygamy

  Big Secrets and Little White Lies

  There is much ado about polygamy these days. Media coverage, HBO’s Big Love, TLC’s Sister Wives, the revolting acts committed by polygamous cult leader Warren Jeffs who still directs his followers from his prison cell—all of these keep a slew of polygamy-related issues at the forefront of society. But none can depict the ongoing, daily atrocities and heartaches hidden in these closed societies, behind closed doors, within the hearts and souls of thousands of subdued but smiling faces.

  Kristyn Decker’s memoir recounts the harsh realities of being born and raised in the second largest polygamist sect in America—the Apostolic United Brethren, or the AUB (Allred Group). For five decades, Kristyn (then Sophia Allred) was caught up in a cult of plural marriage . . . and lived it until she thought she would truly suffocate. When she finally had the courage to leave, she knew she had to share her story and help others escape.

  This uncensored version of Fifty Years in Polygamy: Big Secrets and Little White Lies, even more than her first book describes the religious submission, lies, secrets, poverty, abuses, jealousies, depression, and loneliness. The gripping, detailed events in this book will shock you, but will also inspire compassion, understanding, and perhaps even the courage to change your own life.

  Reviews of Fifty Years in Polygamy

  “Incredible! No other words to describe this book but incredible. Very well-written account of a life of extreme abuse, emotional anguish, and mental torture. The strength it must have taken to break away from this lifestyle is inspiring. May it be a guideline and a shining star for everyone who wants insight into polygamy and for those who seek an avenue outside of the ‘crick.’” —Badbob52 on Amazon.com

  “Love it! I love to read, and this book opened my eyes to a world that I have never been a part of. It’s sad to see the suffering of the woman in the book, but it is so well written.” —Cheryl Mcendree on Amazon.com

  “I couldn’t stop reading. I really enjoyed this book. I often had to tell myself to slow down. Once I started reading I couldn’t stop. It’s fascinating to realize that kind of lifestyle is still being lived. I could truly feel the hurt and jealousy this woman felt and that she was torn by what she thought was the right thing to do. What an amazing story and what an amazing woman! She tells it like it is, and she is really involved helping people.” —CSW on Amazon.com

  “An amazing read! It’s always amazing to me to read about the lives of polygamists. This one did not disappoint! It took me just a short time to get through this book. It was well written, and I felt like I was right there experiencing the horror of their lifestyle.” —Yaker and Baller on Amazon.com

  “Real polygamy. I thoroughly enjoyed this true-life story about an admirable woman growing up in polygamy. Her poignant story had me sitting on the edge of my seat, and I had a hard time putting the book down. This book contains many nuggets of wisdom and exposes many of the effects of being raised in an unrealistic, perfectionistic lifestyle. If you are looking for social/historical data or just wish to read a really good story, this book is a win.” —Clairvina on Amazon.com

  “Recommended. I loved this book! The story was the raw truth about the dysfunction of life for everyone in the grips of a polygamous lifestyle. Kristyn did a great job of telling it like it really is: painful; destructive, and mind twisting.” —KB on Amazon.com

  Fifty Years in

  POLYGAMY

  Uncensored Edition

  Kristyn Decker

  Synergy Books Publishing

  USA

  Synergy Books Publishing

  P .O. Box 911232

  St. George, Utah 84791

  www.synergy-books.com

  Author photos by Tolga Katas

  Cover design by Christine Katas

  Copyright © 2013 Kristyn Decker

  Cover design copyright © 2013 Kristyn Decker

  All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the U. S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

  ISBN: 978-1-936434-52-7

  Printed in the United States of America

  Contents

  Contents

  Acknowledgments

  CHAPTER 1

  Curtains Wide Open—

  The Beginning

  CHAPTER 2

  Mom’s Devils

  1937–1946

  CHAPTER 3

  Like a Piece of Dirty Garbage

  1947–1952

  The Drill

  1952–1957

  CHAPTER 5

  Plygville

  1957–1959

  CHAPTER 6

  My Salvation

  1960

  CHAPTER 7

  Bad and Stupid Sophia

  1961–1962

  CHAPTER 8

  Our Catastrophes

  1962

  CHAPTER 9

  Foes and Shame

  1963

  CHAPTER 10

  New Friends, Mother,

  and Siblings

  1963

  CHAPTER 11

  Modesty and Vanity

  on “The Outside”

  1964–1965

  CHAPTER 12

  Men, Boys, and Confusion

  1965

  CHAPTER 13

  Featherweight and

  Cougar Speed

  1965–1967

  CHAPTER 14

  “Independents” and

  My First Love

  1965–1967

  CHAPTER 15

  High School Angst

  1967–1969

  CHAPTER 16

  Legally and

  Religiously Married

  1969–1970

  CHAPTER 17

  A Meal Fit for a Queen

  1971–1973

  CHAPTER 18

  Birth Control and

  Girls’ Camp Anxiety

  1973–1974

  CHAPTER 19

  Evil Ervil

  1975

  CHAPTER 20

  Plural Wives and

  Death in Childbirth

  1975–1976

  CHAPTER 21

  Guns and Murder

  1976–1977

  CHAPTER 22

  Courtship and a Sister-Wife

  1977–1978

  CHAPTER 23

  Nothing Sacred in This

  1978–1979

  CHAPTER 24

  Poverty and

  Dumpster Diving

  1979

  CHAPTER 25

  Temple Ordinances

  and Blessings

  1980

  CHAPTER 26

  Cremation or Burial

  1981

  CHAPTER 27

  Infidelity in Polygamy

  1981

  CHAPTER 28

  Guilt and Punishment

  1982

  CHAPTER 29

  A Friendship from God

  1982–1984

  CHAPTER 30

  Birth, Deaths, and Suicide

  1984

  CHAPTER 31

  Forbidden Friendships

  1985–1987

  CHAPTER 32

  Demoted to Nothingness

  1988

  CHAPTER 33

  Courage to Heal or Die

  1989

  CHAPTER 34

  Reconciliation

  1989–1990

  CHAPTER 35

  Our Honeymoon and

  Questions for God


  1990

  CHAPTER 36

  Work, College, and

  Mom’s Confessions

  1991

  CHAPTER 37

  Religious Perpetrators

  1992–1993

  CHAPTER 38

  Life and

  Runaway Karleen

  1994–1997

  CHAPTER 39

  Court-Appointed Recovery

  1997–2001

  CHAPTER 40

  Test Angst and College

  2000

  CHAPTER 41

  Following My Dreams

  2001

  CHAPTER 42

  Cedar City and

  My Mother’s Death

  2001

  CHAPTER 43

  Calling It Quits

  2001

  CHAPTER 44

  Leaving My Sanctuary

  2001

  CHAPTER 45

  Burning Bridges

  Winter 2001

  CHAPTER 46

  For Better or For Worse

  2001–2002

  CHAPTER 47

  Places in Hell

  January–June 2002

  CHAPTER 48

  Enough Is Enough

  July–August 2002

  CHAPTER 49

  What Happened Next

  2002–2013

  Fifty Years in

  POLYGAMY

  Uncensored Edition

  Acknowledgments

  My first and foremost acknowledgment is to my wonderful husband LeRoy, who after six incredible years together never ceases to amaze me with his devotion, love, and encouragement. He supports my every endeavor, whether it is writing or reading; spending time with our children, grandchildren, and friends; advocating for those who are leaving and have left polygamy; as director of the Sound Choices Coalition; or anything else. LeRoy was the backbone that held me securely together while I wrote of the heartaches of my past life in my first book, Fifty Years in Polygamy. While preparing for this book to be published, whenever I’ve doubted my capabilities, felt overwhelmed with life’s lessons, been too emotional while trying to help rescue children and help free those who are busy fighting for the legalization or decriminalization of the bondage of polygamy, my sweetheart man has cheered me onward. Even more amazing to me is that my precious husband cherishes the immense love and adoration I have for him.

  Once again, I get to express my immense gratitude for Linda Prince! Without her belief in me, this edition would also be lacking or nonexistent. Since Linda found me at the Apple Fest in 2010 and encouraged and helped me to get my first book published, she’s also spent hours on end doing the first edit of this full-length book as well.

  There are no words to adequately thank my dear friend Marion and others who’ve also left polygamy. They’ve contributed first-hand knowledge that gave more substance to the reality of my own life stories and of those who are still inside. They helped with dates, places, input, and advice for this uncensored version of my book.

  I’m extremely grateful for the front-cover photography provided by Voices for Dignity (www.voicesfordignity.com) and renowned photographer Tolga Katas.

  As always and forever, much love, appreciation, and honor goes to all of my family and loved ones, whether by blood or by heart. My experiences were both lessons and joys in this lifetime that would never have been the same without you.

  Lastly, to all of my dear friends, acquaintances, and supporters whose names are not listed here only because it would consume many pages to do so: from the bottom of my heart, a tremendous amount of thanks for your constant inspiration and interest in my first book and now the rest of my life stories.

  Thank you so much for reading and for caring.

  Foreword

  What courage it took for Kristyn Decker to write about her experiences in polygamy. Only those who have been trapped in this lifestyle can relate to the mental anguish she and countless others have endured.

  After five, and seven, generations of brainwashing, we both were lulled into a religious coma, becoming paralyzed by the psychological threats of destruction from birth. Therefore we learned to remain sweet and silent. We dared not speak out for fear we would “betray the brethren.” The leaders uttered the edicts threatening hell and damnation if we did not adhere to strict obedience, so we learned to comply with their religious demands.

  Kristyn and I were both pawns in the scheme of polygamy. Unless you have stomached this experience, you can never understand the heartaches, disappointment, and oppression of being spiritually blackmailed into sharing your husband with other women.

  I praise the book FIFTY YEARS in POLYGAMY: Big Secrets and Little White Lies for revealing the manipulation and hopelessness polygamist wives and children are subjected to. Thank you, Kristyn—for being a voice in the wilderness, for helping women in polygamy realize their freedom has been withheld, and they really can be free to make their own sound choices.

  Through the efforts of this amazing woman, and others who dare speak the truth, anyone who has believed polygamy is really a choice can learn the difference, so they can also help thousands of religiously oppressed women and children become educated and gain respect for themselves. In this, we hope they’ll become fearless and free—discovering their own worth so they will no longer be held physically, mentally and spiritually captive.

  I join Kristyn as we raise our voices high, aim to be beacons of light, and campaign for the freedom of all women and children who have been and are still being abused.

  Irene Spencer, New York Times bestselling author of

  Shattered Dreams: My Life as a Polygamist’s Wife (www.irenespencerbooks.com)

  Preface

  Between 1830 and 1844, Joseph Smith Jr. (founder of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) taught that plural marriage was ordained of God. He also practiced plural marriage, but did so discreetly because he was concerned about repercussions from outsiders and the general public. His death was partly due to the fact that his sexual practices were discovered. Some of the men whose daughters were approached by Joseph Smith were incensed.

  He first wrote of the revelation on plural marriage on July 12, 1843, and taught the principle more frequently until his death less than a year later. In 1852, LDS Apostle Orson Pratt was asked by Brigham Young to publicly declare that plural marriages were part of the new and everlasting covenant of God (see Doctrine and Covenants [Salt Lake City, Utah: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints], Section 132.) Joseph Smith’s controversial revelation on polygamy drew contempt and hatred toward the LDS Church from around the world.

  After Joseph Smith’s assassination in June 1844, Mormons—including my great-great-grandfather—found solace and strength in the influential leadership of Brigham Young. Between 1847 and Young’s death in 1877, Mormons in Utah were somewhat successful at evading the United States Government’s attempts to abolish polygamy.

  On September 24, 1890, under continued pressure from his followers and the government, the president of the LDS Church, Wilford Woodruff, published a statement in the Deseret News (see Doctrine and Covenants, Official Declaration 1). President Woodruff claimed he had received a revelation from God and stated that anyone who entered into plural marriage after that date would be excommunicated from the Church for “disharmony.” This statement was known as the Manifesto.

  For quite some time, many LDS Church members were in limbo because of the philosophical conflicts between Joseph Smith’s revelation about the principle of plural marriage, and Wilford Woodruff’s 1890 Manifesto forbidding Church members to practice it. Many members of the Church wouldn’t uphold the Manifesto and continued to practice plural marriage and to teach and advocate its necessity here on earth.

  Most Fundamentalists supported John W. Woolley (1918–1928), Lorin C. Woolley (1928–1934), J. Leslie Broadbent (1934–1935), John Y. Barlow (1935–1949), and Joseph W. Musser (1949–1954) as their priesthood leaders. These men commenced to gather a congregat
ion of like believers and began calling themselves the Council of Friends.

  Following the division in the Council of Friends (set in motion sometime between 1948 and 1951 and explained later in this book), my family continued to uphold Joseph Musser. After Musser’s death in 1954, my uncle, Rulon C. Allred, became the president of those who were identified as the Allred Group. Years later, the congregation began referring to themselves as The Priesthood, or The Work, and subsequently assumed their current title, the Apostolic United Brethren (AUB).

  After Rulon C. Allred was murdered in 1977, my father, Owen Arthur Allred, Rulon’s first counselor, became the priesthood leader of the Allred Group until his death in 2005. LaMoine Jensen is the current president of the AUB.

  As the Council of Friends came to a close, and after John Y. Barlow’s death, Charles Zitting (1954), Leroy S. Johnson (1954–1986), and Rulon T. Jeffs (1986–2002) led the Short Creek Group. Years before, and after Rulon Jeffs’ death, his son Warren Jeffs assumed the title of “Godhead” with his current adherents, who called themselves Fundamentalist Latter-day Saints, and now the United Order.

  Since the LDS Church’s Manifesto, hundreds of converts have joined self-proclaimed demi-gods and polygamist factions, while hundreds have left the polygamist groups. Obviously, those whose families have practiced polygamy for generations, and who have had it programmed into their brains, are more stalwart in their belief in polygamy.

  Currently, the three largest polygamist sects are:

  The Apostolic United Brethren or AUB (formerly the Allred Group) in Salt Lake County, Harvest Haven, Eagle Mountain, Mayfield, Cedar City, Rocky Ridge, Mount Pleasant, and the Granite Ranch (beyond Delta), in Utah; Pinesdale, Montana; and Ozumba, Mexico: approximately 7,500 members.

  The Short Creek Group, the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints or FLDS (and now the United Order), in Hildale, Utah; Colorado City, Arizona; Pringle, South Dakota; Wyoming; Nevada; Texas, and Canada; as well as break-off groups in Bountiful, Canada; and Centennial Park (The Work), Arizona: approximately 12,450 members.