50 Years in Polygamy: Big Secrets and Little White Lies Page 48
Members of the AUB clan who are granted the gift of the temple ordinances are required to wear long, old-fashioned garments like my parents wore. They are not to be taken off during sex or for any other reason other than to bathe. In another part of the same ritual, valiant adherents agree to slit their throats or disembowel themselves if they divulge anything done or said during the long ceremony. I’ve always wondered, what in God’s name is so darn secretive, He’d order His children kill themselves for?
Elite women and men in the AUB Group get to attend separate classes where they are taught more “special” rules and laws. They are told it is wrong to enjoy sex; it is for procreation only, and men are to “get it done—don’t linger.” No wonder many women say they felt raped by their polygamist husbands.
In addition to those “superb values,” a woman who can’t become impregnated by her husband has the right to have a brother-in-law do the deed. If that doesn’t take after a few liaisons, she may ask a council member for his seed.
There’s a constant desire and drive for Fundamentalists to draw closer to likeminded people by isolating themselves, and their children from the “outside world,” where they believe God will safeguard their righteous little spots on earth while He destroys the rest of us. Many children of polygamy live in constant fear of the never-ending doomsday prophecies they hear—of the earth being destroyed, and of God killing their wicked mothers, sisters, and brothers who have apostatized. Most Fundamentalist’s attitudes and beliefs are still racist and bigoted when it comes to blacks and same-sex partnerships; yet many use the plight of these groups to promote their own so-called religious freedom.
More simple directives are not to have dogs in the house. They can bring an evil spirit into the home. Women are still being told not to cut or color their hair, pierce their ears, or wear earrings and makeup. Such activities are deemed sources of pride and vanity, and they must be expelled.
The Pinesdale Montana Township is also a monopoly unto itself. It is run by AUB adherents to Fundamental Mormonism, polygamy, and the rule “God’s laws supersede the laws of the land.” Several ex-members of that group have confided, (as in Adam’s case), that innumerable crimes and abuses have been and are being concealed or ignored to protect devout followers and their families.
I’ve tried very hard not to be known as an anti-polygamist. I can honestly say I’m not. Many of the people I personally know who are still “in” are precious, misguided, dear hearts. Since I have experienced the inner workings of polygamy, I’m familiar with the spiritual blackmail that is utilized to control and to create the miserable happiness that accompanies the righteous endeavors of those who really believe. Sadly, I also recognize the fear and resentment toward those of us who have left and dare speak out—as we are considered the “devil’s advocates” and “sons (or daughters) of perdition.”
This past year, I’ve done a great deal of research on the supposed pros of polygamy, as well as the cons. Hundreds of thousands of people admire Canada (one of the most liberal countries in the world) for not just adding polygamous marriages into the freedoms granted to same-sex partners, and for taking on the huge responsibility of extensive research about polygamy across the world. After the Supreme Court in British Columbia listened to the testimonies for and against polygamy, they realized polygamy doesn’t begin to correlate with sexual freedom and same-sex marriages. After exhaustive investigations by the court, Chief Justice Baumann stated, “Based on the most comprehensive judicial record on the subject ever produced, I have concluded that the Attorney General and their allied Interested Persons have demonstrated a very strong basis for a reasoned apprehension of harm to many in our society inherent in the practice of polygamy as I have defined it in these reasons (http://stoppolygamyincanada.wordpress.com/court-documents/decision-polygamy-harms-are-endemic-polygamy-remains-illegal/).
According to Merriam Webster, the word patriarchy means “a social organization marked by the supremacy of the father in the clan or family, the legal dependence of wives and children, and the reckoning of descent and inheritance in the male line; broadly: control by men of a disproportionately large share of power.” With Webster’s definition of patriarchy, you can realize polygamy in itself is a human-rights violation. How can polygamy be based on equality when it is completely patriarchal?
Polygamist parents teach their children it isn’t the gospel of plural marriage that’s wrong or evil; it is evil people who make it look wrong. Yet in simple terms, polygamy is a human-rights violation. It is demeaning and suppressive. It demands that women sacrifice, ignore, and bury their desires, feelings, jealousies, and heartaches, and submit to their husbands, who will determine if they’re worthy enough to help populate his world. It requires women to produce numerous children, whether they or their husbands have the capacity to adequately provide for those children’s emotional, physical, and spiritual needs.
In short, to allow or decriminalize polygamy is to justify psychological torture and modern-day slavery.
*****
Imagine all the people living in total peace…it’s easy if you try…
Impart enough love to surrender equality for everyone under the sky…
*****
“I no longer hold to any religion or ideology where belief systems require and assume that our highest aspirations—happiness, fulfillment and liberations lie in the future, and therefore justify present enslavement, dominance, suppression and suffering.”
Eckhart Tolle
Namaste—
I honor the place in you in which the entire universe dwells. I honor the place in you that is of love, of truth, of light and of peace. When you are in that place in you, and I am in that place in me, we are one.
About the Author
With five kids still at home, Kristyn Decker began taking college courses and working as an assistant teacher in the Head Start program. After earning an associate’s degree, she was a lead teacher for four years. Then Kristyn taught child development classes for Children First and volunteered with several projects relating to quality Child Care. In 2002, she received a bachelor’s degree in elementary education and early childhood development from Southern Utah University. She ended her nearly thirty-three-year marriage in 2002. Seven years later, Kristyn married LeRoy Decker. She founded the Sound Choices Coalition in June 2012 after publishing her first book, Fifty Years in Polygamy: Big Secrets and Little White Lies. Kristyn spends most of her days volunteering with the Sound Choices Coalition and other organizations, in her quest to end human-rights violations due to polygamy and other forms of patriarchal abuse.
Since the publication of her first book, Kristyn has been a guest on many television and radio shows and stations across the country, including but not limited to The Today Show; CNN Weekend News; Good Morning, Arizona; NPR Community Voices; Jay Lawrence; The Fawn Rigan Show (WCCO Minneapolis); KTAR Talk Radio; and KSL AM News. Kristyn also enjoys speaking at book clubs, churches, and libraries.
To learn more about Kristyn and her books, please visit www.kristyndecker.com. She loves to hear from her readers and may be contacted at kristyndeckerbooks@gmail.com. For information about the Sound Choices Coalition, visit www.facebook.com/SoundChoicesCoalition, or email Kristyn at soundchoicescoalition@gmail.com. Listen to her radio show, Polygamy Uncensored, each Wednesday at 10:00 am Mountain Standard Time at www.blogtalkradio.com. Archived shows are available at: www.kristyn.srbroadcasting.com.